6:45 a.m. Wake mommy up by banging on her face like it's a bongo drum.
6:46 a.m. Smile and giggle, then pounce on mommy's face in a combo baby bear hug meets sloppy puppy kiss like I've missed her SO much, even though I've been right next to her for the past 6-8 hours, so she can't be mad that I was banging on her face.
7:01 a.m. Finally kick/wrestle/pinch/do weird baby yoga poses, all while nursing, enough that we get out of bed.
7:02 a.m. Play around in the bathroom while mommy does her morning stuff. Unroll the brand new roll of toilet paper, then shred it into umpteen bajillion pieces while mommy showers and is hollering something about making it snow in the bathroom. It's ok, "NO" isn't relevant when she's in the shower and all soapy. Bang on the shower door, giggle and squeal. Open the toilet and drop in some of my bath toys and my toothbrush. Splash around in there a bit. Uh oh, she jumped out of the shower even though she's soapy!...
7:21 a.m. Wail in protest that mommy won't let me play in the potty, refuses to pick me up, AND she got back in the shower... the NERVE.
7:28 a.m. Continue said protest wailing while mommy gets dressed even after she determined that I was neither hungry nor dirty, didn't have fever, offered me several super awesome toys that I proceeded to THROW and/or kick, and ruled out every possible itchy/scratchy/pinchy/poky possibility. Ooooooooh, the coveted iPhone! Wait... is this a distraction tactic....
7:45 a.m. Drat. It worked... Once again, I have been defeated. It is not possible to gnaw through the otter box. However, it does make a different noise when you bang it on the floor than it does when you bang it on the cabinet... and on the tub... and on the shower door... and on the potty... and mommy squeals when you bang in on her foot!
8:15 a.m. Come back inside after taking care of my furry siblings that live outside. I love patting/banging on them. Time for breakfast! Hmmm... how many puffs can I stuff in this crevice between the cushion and the high chair while mommy makes herself an egg... How far can I fling a spoonfull of yogurt... How much banana can I stuff in my cheeks... and then spurt out... ok, I'm done. I'M DONE. ALL DONE!!! LET ME DOWN!!! NOW!! DOWN, WOMAN!! If I had the motor skills to unlatch my bindings I'd do it myself!
8:43 a.m.Wobble around the house stumbling precariously towards anything sharp/pointy/hard and see how fast mommy can run.
9:11 a.m. Stack blocks and then knock them over. Repeat. Fill up my tupperware bowl with blocks/balls/other small objects that fit. Attempt to put large objects in the tupperware. Discover they do not fit. Throw them. Useless. Stir objects in the bowl with my golf club. Dump bowl. Whack mommy with the golf club. Repeat. Mommy is impressed by all of this. She thinks I'm very smart.
9:19 a.m. Impress mommy more by showing off my baby sign language. Get rewarded with milkies!
9:28 a.m. Wail every time mommy attempts to do anything besides play with me and/or watch me play, especially if she's trying to work on the computer. Start this procedure as soon as I wake up. Repeat this throughout day.
9:32 a.m. Make sure that doing the "milkies" sign still works. Yep. Proceed to nurse for all of 43 seconds.
9:41 a.m. Scatter goldfish from my snack cup all around the living room, ensuring they get coated with dirt, rug fuzz, etc. Then put all 20 of them in my mouth. Hold them in my mouth for awhile to create goldfish slime paste. Spit that in the floor. Step in it. Sit on it. Then slap it so it makes that awesome splarpt slopt splipt sound and gets little bits of goldfish goo everywhere within a 3 ft. radius. Wipe my hands on the couch. While mommy tries to clean that up, empty the basket of socks she was folding while I taught myself all about the intricacies of decorating with goldfish glop.
10:04 a.m. Adamantly refuse to allow mommy to do any work on the computer. Since she insists on doing other productive stuff, "help" her unload the dishwasher, scatter the clean folded laundry off the couch all around, lick the back door while I "pet" my cats "through" the glass, put a dead bug in my mouth, spit out the bug and smear it on the back door glass for the cats to see, etc.
11:15 a.m. Play a fun game with mommy where we pick up all the toys and throw them at the toy box as fast as we can until they're all in there. I think this is HILARIOUS. Empty the toy box again while mommy changes the laundry. Repeat the filling the toy box game while intermittently squealing like a rabid monkey and howling like a coyote and wobble-running laps around the living room. Head butt the squishy part of the couch and fall down screeching like I'm being eaten alive by vampire bats. I get dramatic when I'm sleepy.
11:37 a.m. Demand milkies. RIGHT. NOW. Pass out cold.
LOL!
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