Tuesday, November 29, 2011

A day in the life of my one-year-old... Part I: The Morning

6:45 a.m. Wake mommy up by banging on her face like it's a bongo drum.
6:46 a.m. Smile and giggle, then pounce on mommy's face in a combo baby bear hug meets sloppy puppy kiss like I've missed her SO much, even though I've been right next to her for the past 6-8 hours, so she can't be mad that I was banging on her face.
7:01 a.m. Finally kick/wrestle/pinch/do weird baby yoga poses, all while nursing, enough that we get out of bed.
7:02 a.m. Play around in the bathroom while mommy does her morning stuff. Unroll the brand new roll of toilet paper, then shred it into umpteen bajillion pieces while mommy showers and is hollering something about making it snow in the bathroom. It's ok, "NO" isn't relevant when she's in the shower and all soapy. Bang on the shower door, giggle and squeal. Open the toilet and drop in some of my bath toys and my toothbrush. Splash around in there a bit. Uh oh, she jumped out of the shower even though she's soapy!...
7:21 a.m. Wail in protest that mommy won't let me play in the potty, refuses to pick me up, AND she got back in the shower... the NERVE.
7:28 a.m. Continue said protest wailing while mommy gets dressed even after she determined that I was neither hungry nor dirty, didn't have fever, offered me several super awesome toys that I proceeded to THROW and/or kick, and ruled out every possible itchy/scratchy/pinchy/poky possibility. Ooooooooh, the coveted iPhone! Wait... is this a distraction tactic....
7:45 a.m. Drat. It worked... Once again, I have been defeated. It is not possible to gnaw through the otter box. However, it does make a different noise when you bang it on the floor than it does when you bang it on the cabinet... and on the tub... and on the shower door... and on the potty... and mommy squeals when you bang in on her foot!
8:15 a.m. Come back inside after taking care of my furry siblings that live outside. I love patting/banging on them. Time for breakfast! Hmmm... how many puffs can I stuff in this crevice between the cushion and the high chair while mommy makes herself an egg... How far can I fling a spoonfull of yogurt... How much banana can I stuff in my cheeks... and then spurt out... ok, I'm done. I'M DONE. ALL DONE!!! LET ME DOWN!!! NOW!! DOWN, WOMAN!! If I had the motor skills to unlatch my bindings I'd do it myself!
8:43 a.m.Wobble around the house stumbling precariously towards anything sharp/pointy/hard and see how fast mommy can run.
9:11 a.m. Stack blocks and then knock them over. Repeat. Fill up my tupperware bowl with blocks/balls/other small objects that fit. Attempt to put large objects in the tupperware. Discover they do not fit. Throw them. Useless. Stir objects in the bowl with my golf club. Dump bowl. Whack mommy with the golf club. Repeat. Mommy is impressed by all of this. She thinks I'm very smart.
9:19 a.m. Impress mommy more by showing off my baby sign language. Get rewarded with milkies!
9:28 a.m. Wail every time mommy attempts to do anything besides play with me and/or watch me play, especially if she's trying to work on the computer. Start this procedure as soon as I wake up. Repeat this throughout day.
9:32 a.m. Make sure that doing the "milkies" sign still works. Yep. Proceed to nurse for all of 43 seconds.
9:41 a.m. Scatter goldfish from my snack cup all around the living room, ensuring they get coated with dirt, rug fuzz, etc. Then put all 20 of them in my mouth. Hold them in my mouth for awhile to create goldfish slime paste. Spit that in the floor. Step in it. Sit on it. Then slap it so it makes that awesome splarpt slopt splipt sound and gets little bits of goldfish goo everywhere within a 3 ft. radius. Wipe my hands on the couch. While mommy tries to clean that up, empty the basket of socks she was folding while I taught myself all about the intricacies of decorating with goldfish glop.
10:04 a.m. Adamantly refuse to allow mommy to do any work on the computer. Since she insists on doing other productive stuff, "help" her unload the dishwasher, scatter the clean folded laundry off the couch all around, lick the back door while I "pet" my cats "through" the glass, put a dead bug in my mouth, spit out the bug and smear it on the back door glass for the cats to see, etc.
11:15 a.m. Play a fun game with mommy where we pick up all the toys and throw them at the toy box as fast as we can until they're all in there. I think this is HILARIOUS. Empty the toy box again while mommy changes the laundry. Repeat the filling the toy box game while intermittently squealing like a rabid monkey and howling like a coyote and wobble-running laps around the living room. Head butt the squishy part of the couch and fall down screeching like I'm being eaten alive by vampire bats. I get dramatic when I'm sleepy.
11:37 a.m. Demand milkies. RIGHT. NOW. Pass out cold.

More than the gobble

I saw this the other day and thought it was perfect for Thanksgiving. I don't know who it's by...

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."

I have MUCH to be thankful for.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Saying it out loud doesn't make it so...

Life moves fast... intent to do something--or not do something--doesn't mean it that's how it will work out. Sometimes that intent gets trumped... often by a screaming baby.

I said, "I'll keep up with my blog. I won't get behind."
I mean, come on, I'm a stay at home mom. I'll have time. HA. We all see how that turned out. (It's LITERALLY been 1/2 a year since I last posted.)
What I've learned: Babies One baby can take up more time than you will ever have. 

I said, "Gross. Who does that?! He's a kid, not a baby bird!" I had just watched a lady at the park bite a little piece of food off and then give that little piece from her mouth to her little kid to eat.
Fast forward approximately two years to me, in the parking lot at HEB, trying to ensure that my kid will be agreeable during our sprint race for groceries, biting grapes into three pieces and feeding them to G.
What I've learned: Teeth are readily available tools that are probably cleaner than the random leftover fast food plastic knife in the floor of the backseat. They are perfect for cutting up food to stuff into your kid.

I said, "Nah, we don't need an extra outfit."
What I've learned: It's a phenomenon. Leave home with an extra outfit for you and baby and you won't need it. Leave home with only what you have on, and something that came from a baby oraface WILL end up ALL. OVER. IT. And it will likely smell awful. Trust me future moms. Keep a clean(ish) t-shirt in the car.

I said, "I'll just carry him."
What I've learned: Using a public restroom while holding a baby, and ensuring that no part of said baby comes into contact with any part of said public restroom, AND getting your pants back on straight and buttoned/zipped is a tricky task. Then there's the hand washing. Never go shopping alone (or with people you don't trust to hold your baby while you go pee).

I said, "The baby should sleep in his own bed. It's safer."
I know it's hard to imagine, me being so sweet and all, but I turn into a vicious, snarling beast when sleep deprived for multiple nights weeks months in a row.
What I've learned: Nursing a baby every 2 hours (or less) ALL NIGHT LONG 24/7/365 will make things you once thought ridiculous become extremely practical.

I said, "I think I'm going to love being a mom."
What I've learned: I absolutely do. Even in sleep deprived beast mode.



Thursday, June 2, 2011

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

How Not to Accomplish Your Weightloss/Fitness Goals

Set totally outlandish goals to accomplish in a ridiculously short timeframe. Then follow these steps:

1. Start with a hearty love of all things food.
2. Rather than cease food consumption when full, harbor a tendency to overindulge due to "deliciosity" or desire to "not be a waster".
3. Have a particular weakness for, and inability to refuse: pie, cake, cookies, candy, bread, pasta with thick creamy sauces, etc.
4. Tell yourself that your body "just isn't ready" to workout. If this is actually true due to illness, injury, or a medical condition (like a c-section), continue using this reasoning far beyond it's validity.
5. When beginning a new exercise routine, tell yourself it's "ok to take it slow". (if you plan to work hard, then on the days you slack off, at least you just take it slow. But, if you plan to take it slow, when you slack, you're basically then doing nothing.)
6. Be diligent with exercising for the first 6 weeks of the 9 week program, then in the 7th week, get really busy and allow yourself to "fall off the wagon".
7. To aid in the accomplishment of #6, rationalize on a daily basis a current or impending weather condition that prevents you from doing your outdoor exercises: too hot/cold, too windy, too sunny, possibility of precipitation, etc. To utilize this tactic even further, use the baby as a scapegoat: "too hot/cold/windy/etc. for the baby."
8. Buy an exercise DVD for days you do #7. Leave it in the wrapper... Indefinitely.
9. Go grocery shopping at sam's, have every intention to only select healthy items. End up purchasing a 5 pound bag of reece's peanut butter eggs, or other seasonal junk food. Put apples and other healthy snack choices in the back seat, scarf peanut butter eggs all the way home "before they melt".
10. Eat before bed or during the night because "nursing the baby so often makes me really hungry!" If this is actually true for you, refer to #2.

Then repeat... :)

Monday, March 21, 2011

4 1/2 Months







Dewberries

I can't help but be filled with growing anticipation and excitement.

The pastures are sprinkled white, like a patchy dusting of snow. Warm spring breezes whisper promises of sweet ripe fruit, plentiful for the picking.

Visions of cobbler and jam dance in my head as Garner and I scout out the best patches for picking.



Thursday, March 3, 2011

Kids (& babies, apparently) Say the Darndest Things

Over the holidays, and while deer hunting, Sutton kept telling us things that Garner was "saying".

"Garner said he saw a deer. Yea, over there."

"Garner wants to open presents. He told me."

I, of course, thought to myself how awesome it would be if toddlers/little kids could translate baby babbles... Or can they???

So this past weekend, while in Angelo to visit and go to rodeo, Sutton told us more things his baby cousin "said":

"Garner said he wants:
-his boots on.
-some milk.
-his boots off.
-to get in/out of his chair (carseat).
-to sleep.
-me to hold him.
-to wake up and play.
-to go to sam's.
-to go get GG.
-to drive my up-down.
-to sit with me."
-etc.

"He does?"

"Yea, he told me."

It was all pretty funny, but this was the funniest:

Sutton: Lala, baby Garner said a bad word.
Lala: Did he now? Well, he shouldn't do that, should he.
S: He said s*#%! That's a bad word.
L: Sutton, are you supposed to say that word?
S: grinning mischievously, shaking head "no"
L: What does mama do when you say that?
S: innocently,"Nothin'"
L: Does she swat you? (She does!)
S: innocently,"noooooooooooooooooooo".

The moral of the story: little kids may or may not understand baby babble, my 4 month old may or may not have a potty mouth, and toddlers lie.



Thursday, February 24, 2011

Garner





Highlights

Ok, so bear with me as I learn to use my new blogger app. We don't have Internet at home anymore, so I'll be posting via my iPhone... And I'm still figuring things out.

Here are some of the highlights of the past few months. Yes, almost entirely related to Garner and what he's doing, because realistically, my world is now all about him. Some of them will probably turn into posts of their own... someday.

November 2010
-42 Weeks pregnant
-induction
-29 hours of labor
-November 11, 12:30pm, Garner Charles Chapman delivered via c-section, 9 lb 13 oz, 22.5 cm long
-obviously (especially to those following my earlier posts) not the birth we wanted, but nonetheless, the exact outcome we wanted: a perfectly healthy, happy, beautiful baby.
-4 days later, the most miserable hour I've ever spent in a vehicle
-home at last
-the joys of new parenthood and recovery from surgery
-getting acquainted with baby

2 Weeks Old
-Thanksgiving at our house with Grandma Dida, Pawpaw Larry, and Aunt Shannon
-Demonstration of just how far a diaperless infant can shoot poop across a room, onto a wall and everything in the vicinity between infant and said wall
-weight: 10 lb 5 oz

5-7 Weeks Old, December 2010
-slept 5 hours overnight for the first time
-first bottle
-smiling and coo-ing frequently
-went to Oklahoma then San Angelo for Christmas holiday
-first deer hunting trip

January 2011
-2 months: 13 lb 7 oz
-reaching toward and swatting at toys/objects/faces
-trying to giggle
-studies, sucks, & chews fingers
-loves to go outside
-first flyfishing trip to the Guadalupe
-started going to storytime at Rockdale Library, getting better at getting ourselves together to go places (grocery store, etc.)
-still not very productive around the house, most days we're doing good if we both get a bath and manage to have supper at least started when Jason gets home

February 2011
-3 months: 16 lb
-all smiles, giggles, and wiggles
-Superbowl party at Lazy K
-roll from back to side all the time, sometimes from back to tummy
-HATE tummy time
-first cold :(
-started C25k
-getting more productive at home, now that we've pretty much mastered basic mommy and baby stay-at-home-alone survival, we can usually get dishes and laundry done, sometimes some general tidying, and we're working on adding in some basic house cleaning. We are very good at playing, inside and out, and making sure we get our walk daily.

Things Garner loves
-mommy (and daddy)
-outside
-watching dogs and kitties, and more recently, touching them
-baths, being naked
-standing, playing in the jumperoo
-our new all terrain stroller
-blowing sloppy, slobbery raspberries
-cooing, gooing, and squeaking, along with other generally cute indistinct baby noises
-being held/carried
-putting everything I grab straight in my mouth

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Coming Soon...

Much has happened since my last post! But not to fret, loyal readers! I promise to update you soon on all that has transpired!