A day in the life of my one-year-old... Part I: The Morning

6:45 a.m. Wake mommy up by banging on her face like it's a bongo drum.
6:46 a.m. Smile and giggle, then pounce on mommy's face in a combo baby bear hug meets sloppy puppy kiss like I've missed her SO much, even though I've been right next to her for the past 6-8 hours, so she can't be mad that I was banging on her face.
7:01 a.m. Finally kick/wrestle/pinch/do weird baby yoga poses, all while nursing, enough that we get out of bed.
7:02 a.m. Play around in the bathroom while mommy does her morning stuff. Unroll the brand new roll of toilet paper, then shred it into umpteen bajillion pieces while mommy showers and is hollering something about making it snow in the bathroom. It's ok, "NO" isn't relevant when she's in the shower and all soapy. Bang on the shower door, giggle and squeal. Open the toilet and drop in some of my bath toys and my toothbrush. Splash around in there a bit. Uh oh, she jumped out of the shower even though she's soapy!...
7:21 a.m. Wail in protest that mommy won't let me play in the potty, refuses to pick me up, AND she got back in the shower... the NERVE.
7:28 a.m. Continue said protest wailing while mommy gets dressed even after she determined that I was neither hungry nor dirty, didn't have fever, offered me several super awesome toys that I proceeded to THROW and/or kick, and ruled out every possible itchy/scratchy/pinchy/poky possibility. Ooooooooh, the coveted iPhone! Wait... is this a distraction tactic....
7:45 a.m. Drat. It worked... Once again, I have been defeated. It is not possible to gnaw through the otter box. However, it does make a different noise when you bang it on the floor than it does when you bang it on the cabinet... and on the tub... and on the shower door... and on the potty... and mommy squeals when you bang in on her foot!
8:15 a.m. Come back inside after taking care of my furry siblings that live outside. I love patting/banging on them. Time for breakfast! Hmmm... how many puffs can I stuff in this crevice between the cushion and the high chair while mommy makes herself an egg... How far can I fling a spoonfull of yogurt... How much banana can I stuff in my cheeks... and then spurt out... ok, I'm done. I'M DONE. ALL DONE!!! LET ME DOWN!!! NOW!! DOWN, WOMAN!! If I had the motor skills to unlatch my bindings I'd do it myself!
8:43 a.m.Wobble around the house stumbling precariously towards anything sharp/pointy/hard and see how fast mommy can run.
9:11 a.m. Stack blocks and then knock them over. Repeat. Fill up my tupperware bowl with blocks/balls/other small objects that fit. Attempt to put large objects in the tupperware. Discover they do not fit. Throw them. Useless. Stir objects in the bowl with my golf club. Dump bowl. Whack mommy with the golf club. Repeat. Mommy is impressed by all of this. She thinks I'm very smart.
9:19 a.m. Impress mommy more by showing off my baby sign language. Get rewarded with milkies!
9:28 a.m. Wail every time mommy attempts to do anything besides play with me and/or watch me play, especially if she's trying to work on the computer. Start this procedure as soon as I wake up. Repeat this throughout day.
9:32 a.m. Make sure that doing the "milkies" sign still works. Yep. Proceed to nurse for all of 43 seconds.
9:41 a.m. Scatter goldfish from my snack cup all around the living room, ensuring they get coated with dirt, rug fuzz, etc. Then put all 20 of them in my mouth. Hold them in my mouth for awhile to create goldfish slime paste. Spit that in the floor. Step in it. Sit on it. Then slap it so it makes that awesome splarpt slopt splipt sound and gets little bits of goldfish goo everywhere within a 3 ft. radius. Wipe my hands on the couch. While mommy tries to clean that up, empty the basket of socks she was folding while I taught myself all about the intricacies of decorating with goldfish glop.
10:04 a.m. Adamantly refuse to allow mommy to do any work on the computer. Since she insists on doing other productive stuff, "help" her unload the dishwasher, scatter the clean folded laundry off the couch all around, lick the back door while I "pet" my cats "through" the glass, put a dead bug in my mouth, spit out the bug and smear it on the back door glass for the cats to see, etc.
11:15 a.m. Play a fun game with mommy where we pick up all the toys and throw them at the toy box as fast as we can until they're all in there. I think this is HILARIOUS. Empty the toy box again while mommy changes the laundry. Repeat the filling the toy box game while intermittently squealing like a rabid monkey and howling like a coyote and wobble-running laps around the living room. Head butt the squishy part of the couch and fall down screeching like I'm being eaten alive by vampire bats. I get dramatic when I'm sleepy.
11:37 a.m. Demand milkies. RIGHT. NOW. Pass out cold.

More than the gobble

I saw this the other day and thought it was perfect for Thanksgiving. I don't know who it's by...

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."

I have MUCH to be thankful for.

Saying it out loud doesn't make it so...

Life moves fast... intent to do something--or not do something--doesn't mean it that's how it will work out. Sometimes that intent gets trumped... often by a screaming baby.

I said, "I'll keep up with my blog. I won't get behind."
I mean, come on, I'm a stay at home mom. I'll have time. HA. We all see how that turned out. (It's LITERALLY been 1/2 a year since I last posted.)
What I've learned: Babies One baby can take up more time than you will ever have. 

I said, "Gross. Who does that?! He's a kid, not a baby bird!" I had just watched a lady at the park bite a little piece of food off and then give that little piece from her mouth to her little kid to eat.
Fast forward approximately two years to me, in the parking lot at HEB, trying to ensure that my kid will be agreeable during our sprint race for groceries, biting grapes into three pieces and feeding them to G.
What I've learned: Teeth are readily available tools that are probably cleaner than the random leftover fast food plastic knife in the floor of the backseat. They are perfect for cutting up food to stuff into your kid.

I said, "Nah, we don't need an extra outfit."
What I've learned: It's a phenomenon. Leave home with an extra outfit for you and baby and you won't need it. Leave home with only what you have on, and something that came from a baby oraface WILL end up ALL. OVER. IT. And it will likely smell awful. Trust me future moms. Keep a clean(ish) t-shirt in the car.

I said, "I'll just carry him."
What I've learned: Using a public restroom while holding a baby, and ensuring that no part of said baby comes into contact with any part of said public restroom, AND getting your pants back on straight and buttoned/zipped is a tricky task. Then there's the hand washing. Never go shopping alone (or with people you don't trust to hold your baby while you go pee).

I said, "The baby should sleep in his own bed. It's safer."
I know it's hard to imagine, me being so sweet and all, but I turn into a vicious, snarling beast when sleep deprived for multiple nights weeks months in a row.
What I've learned: Nursing a baby every 2 hours (or less) ALL NIGHT LONG 24/7/365 will make things you once thought ridiculous become extremely practical.

I said, "I think I'm going to love being a mom."
What I've learned: I absolutely do. Even in sleep deprived beast mode.