Toddler Fact #4... Tall Tales

For many toddlers, namely my own, creativity and imagination begin to bloom. Good thing? In some cases... yes. In others... not so much.

Me: "Garner, did you poop?"

G: "No."

Me: "Are you sure?"

G: "NO."

Me: "No, you aren't sure? Or, no, you didn't poop?"

G: mischievous grin...

Me: "Did you poop?"

G: "No.... DADDY."

Me: "Daddy pooped?"

G: BIG grin

Please note: Daddy is at work... 40 miles away. Either Garner and Daddy have some sort of weird bathroom ESP, or G is fudging the truth a bit. (Ha! Yes, I did just say "fudging" in a poop story!)


One hour later....

*sound of refrigerator water dispenser running... sound of water hitting the floor*

Me: entering kitchen... "Garner, did you make a mess?"

G: "Nooooooooooooooooooo."

Me: "How'd all this water get in the floor?"

G: pauses to think... "(F)ISH!" (the "f" is silent)

Me: "Fish?? In the kitchen?"

G: "Ish! Water!"... pointing at puddle.

Elusive messy kitchen fish? Mommy thinks probably not...

Toddler Fact #3... Toddlers love their booze

He's always wanting me to help him get into his booze or daddy's booze. The booze by the back door, the booze under the bed, the booze in the closet. He loves all the booze.

Oh, I guess I should mention that by "booze" what he means is "boots".

"Garner, put your shoes on."

"Booze!"

"How about your crocs?"

"NOOOoooOO! BOOZE!"

The kid knows what he wants.

Toddler Fact #1

Give me fresh snacks and I will either snub them, or take them but proceed to crush and/or hide them in every furniture crevice I can reach, only actually consuming a minuscule proportion.

However, if you get out the vacuum to clean up a week (or more) worth of snack carnage, I will run around rabidly scarfing the stale/soggy treasures you revealed when you moved the coffee table/couch/etc. I might even attempt a hostile takeover of the vacuum and contemplation of how to bust into the canister to retrieve the culinary delights within...